Wednesday, March 23, 2011

A Modest Concern

Sometimes I like to plan scenarios for what I would do in various disasters.
We all do it right?
There is one hypothetical case of possible impeding doom that is of particular importance to me, as I'm sure it is for all of you as well.
The zombie apocalypse.

I know what your are thinking, and yes I am showing incredible foresight way beyond my relatively young age of nearly 20 years. What can I say? I recognize the obvious crucial importance of planning for this particular disaster. (Especially because, given my intelligence, I imagine my brains would be extra tasty)

Now if this crisis should occur while I am in Springfield (although popular culture has led me to believe this is unlikely), I am pretty much set. I have easy access to firearms, a massive four-wheel drive vehicle, and a convenient yet remote location that I can use as a hideout.

Miami is slightly more complicated. I don't have as developed of a plan, but lets just say it centers around Molotov cocktails.

And that brings me to London.
To reference popular culture again, this seems to be the most likely location of an outbreak.
If there is a zombie outburst while I am living here, I am dead (or rather undead).
Firstly, guns are illegal here which would make it very hard for me to find any sort of weapon I could use at a distance. "But Debbie", you ask "won't the Molotov cocktail plan work for London as well?"
Certainly it would! There is even a liquor store around the corner where I could stock up quite easily.
Only there is a rather large obstacle in my way that would be a serious problem.

See this?
This is a graveyard.
Just chillin in the middle of campus.

Now this used to be surrounded by a lovely row of big ol' overgrown trees that hid it from view quite nicely and that any zombie would have a hard time to get through.
 Notice what is missing in the picture above.
Yup, they went and cut down all the trees.
This has drawn to my attention that fact that the fence is broken in several parts.
See the broken-ness?
 Virtually there is no barrier between me and the inevitable herds of undead.

Now on the off chance that I somehow manage to make it past the undead on my doorstep, there is the larger problem of escaping to safety outside London.
London is huge. Even if I would make it outside the city, there is still the problem of escaping the UK in general.
In case you have no concept of geography, let me inform you that Britain is an island. Anyone who has seen 28 Days Later knows that if shit hits the fan here in the form of highly contagious outbreaks of disease, the world is likely to simply quarantine the entire island.
This is not cool nor does it bode well for my survival.

In conclusion, I really wish they hadn't cut the trees down.
It makes having a graveyard in the middle of campus about a bazillion times creepier

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